Random ranting and lil update

So this is just a bs post because i have to get it off my mind.


I feel awful because i feel like i have lost my friend destiny.

See i am awful at talking to my friends often especially when i go hermit as alex has related to me. I understand the way i am, fighting is futile and makes me feel bad because i think my friends begin to think i am not there for them... Of course i would like to think i am there for them when they need to talk but i understand that it is easier to just talk to the person who is always there because they know what is going on in your life ect ect. I'm just not that person for anyone right now. It kinda makes me sad... Okay it makes me really sad.

I mean i have alex. The love of my life. But I think i will always wish i were more, or something for him. Like more perfect of a woman blah blah blah. It's just not me, but knowing he still loves me. I have to bring that to my nonsensical heads thinking... Just hard sometimes...

Back to destiny.
I played friendly or tried with her new guy friend, snow, on myspace. Well i stopped doing it because i went hermit. Today i wanted to check in with friends, so i got on. So i see he had written me a message something like this 'It has bought d, you okay?' Kind of him to ask, yes yes. Disrespectful and assholish to call me an it. I was soo insulted by that. But anyways, destiny isn't telling me much At ALL any more about her life and stuff. Even when i shot a message her way... Of course my sweet dez always tells me she misses me and stuff. But bleh.... I sent her a message to ask how she was and she says that and when am i moving back... I mean i know other things go on in her life but im just not a part of knowing about it if im not there... So i am hurt and confused, and maybe even concerned about my friendship with destiny, and if there is something i am missing and why i would be called an 'it' I feel like im acting jealous over snow, but i am not.

I am quite upset because my best friend no longer, even while i was in oklahoma, includes me in a spiritual side. She did there for a bit connect with me, i think. But i worry that snow is leading her on a fantastical journey, and falling for it like with another guy she dated. I feel like a BITCH for saying that... GRRR. I hope i am wrong, but weather or not its true - i've lasted past it before. And she'll always be my girl bff, just no replacing her.


Bleh i dont know what else to think. I don't know if that means let her eventually come talk to me again, or just go ahead and reply to her, ...... Or maybe just focus more on new friendship with stephanie and my guy bff raffy who will be visiting soon - woots.


---------------

Okay no more rampage down here.

Alex recently got us both each nintendo dsi. I've been rocking out playing pokemon. Woots. Oh and also brain age, i started at age 62, now im at 39. Alex of course better than me. He started at like 59? and now he is at 28.

We drove around earlier the day he got the ds's. Pictures!!




We also went on an adventure to powderhorn wildlife management park, at like midnight. It was fun, the sky - ugh amazing and clear. We walked around a bit but not far into it because alex was using a cellphone and a ds, me also my ds - as light. It was soo dark out there, with the car off - you couldnt see your feet. So FUN!! But we did hear rustling and twigs breaking all around us. Either lots of animals or hmm...

No sky picture but a picture of a spirit orb maybe? Had several others but this one is the best?






Okay now also an update on everything else. Ive been doing great on keeping the house clean. Trying to be nice though to alex even though he refuses to clean the kitchen for days and days.... Even after i do a very good pre-clean... like all he needs to do is unload and reload the dish washer and take out the garbage.

Oh and i haven't practiced with my sphere T.T' I need to but pokemon are controlling my hands almost from wake up to bed. So needless to say i don't feel i can post a video with absolutely no practice... But i still have the great surprise when i do finally record me again.



So k thnx
Much love around the world and back to the moon.
smile!!!!

Random post

So my raffy had said he was having a problem with posting a comment on here, and it got me to thinking i need to make a post for the week =).

So lets see an update!

Earlier this week i met Stephanie? not sure if i'm spelling that correct x.x'
But shes a nice girl, moved up here from florida and her fiance is joining her this week from there. We smoked, I was high as a kite! And we watched some movies. I got her interested in contact juggling ^^.

Today alex and i went to the laundry mat, and i decided that mexicans only arrive after a certain time because they have to drop their kids off to school. I have NOTHING against mexicans. But i have a huge problem with most that i have been around at our laundry mat.

Lets see... Oh we also went to korean food restaurant. We brought home some side dishes. I'm pretty much addicted to them. I make my own spinach one, the red one is cut kimchi. Idk what the cucumber one is called ^^''



Here is a picture also of a soup alex made for me. It looks sooo gross. But i swear it is delicious. One of those things you just have to close your eyes and try it.





Oh so i also have to share a story of a dumb woman on myspace.
Yesterday i think i made a new myspace just for the apps so i could invite many many many so i wouldn't disturb my friends and family with them.

So i go through random lists, add people, invite them apps ect ect.
Today i get on an received an email from a woman saying this.

"I want MY FIANCE off your top or i will delete you from his friends list"

Now i do want to share i don't give a fuck who you are or w/e, don't yell at me, don't tempt me or try and make me do something. I wanted to be really mean but i also wanted the woman to realize she was being stupid. I'll share what i wrote back.

"Attention ma'am,

My friends list top's are set to random, If you would refresh my profile over and over you can see that.
Secondly If you could read properly on my page i am listed as in a relationship.

Learn about myspace, and don't assume people are whores as you assume your fiance is by thinking that. You are not only trying to attack me, but him as well. I would do the same wondering about my boyfriend but our relationship is stable and I trust him to tell me anything i ask. Perhaps you should have asked your husband why he is in my friends list. Then he would have probably figured it was due to the myspace apps, which certain ones you need people to become your friends for. I use this myspace page for my apps so that my friends and family on my other page are not bothered by me sending a million app invites out.

Have a good day.
Congratulations.
Thanks =)
~Z Kitty"


Seemed reasonable enough of a reply. Yes i felt like i was belittling her a bit. But she needed it. So a bit later, no response but i do notice he is no longer in my friends list. =) Piece of advice, never be that woman (or man) who cant stand corrected.





Lets see what else...

Oh how bout an update on my steps.

Step one, My juggling. Hmm i've been practicing but i feel like im not doing very well. So i'm taking some steps back on it and only am working on a few things. Oh and i talked to senseistrange. Sooo cool. He suggests i try recording myself in front of firelight. Sounded like a fun idea so i'll do that this saturday with candles, a mirror in front of me and a surprise! The surprise i can't say until the video is out. But i painted my wooden ball red in case i feel like switching to it during the video.


Step two, I havent even gotten my stupid page printed >.< So no comment.

Step three, our sleep schedule got fucked again. Should be fixed now? Still aiming for one job application this week.

Step four, I had two crazy dreams last night. One of me and alex getting married. The day of our wedding, friday, something came up - i mentally broke down from all the stress of the preparation of the wedding. In all my dreams of us marrying, i always notice my dress. I think it is part of the symbolism to make me know its our wedding. Well our marriage gets put off not one day but 3 days and we don't have it until monday due to more and more problems arising. Monday comes around and i wake up. Strange to me that the only dreams i can think of at the moment of alex and i getting married - they all have some sort of sadness that scares me during the dream. Like we can never get married happily.

Oh and note to self, Astral Plane is calling.


Step five, Ive taken playing far on the new myspace. Count is being a booger. I was on wlo yesterday. Moussa told me i had a lot of work to do on our forums x.x'''''''''' Scaryyyyy! Alex has just been purely annoying me recently. But he doesn't seem to care how it makes me feel. The apartment though, It is still fairly keeping clean! Only problem is in the bed room where our we have no dirty laundry atm, but 4 bags of clean laundry that need put away x.x'''' I ate as much soup that alex made as utterly possible. Infact i really enjoy the broth part so i pretty much just ate that and left all the other nummies inside. But we have groceries and i admit i haven't eaten much of our fresh fruit yet but i'm eager to =)



That's about it for an update.


OH Crap no it's not.

There is a movie out called 'Phoebe in Wonderland' Watch that movie.
I thoroughly enjoyed it as a movie about a little girl who has problems.
No this is not a movie that is all fun and joyous.
It is a story about a little girl who has to escape to wonderland in her mind.
I would recommend it to anyone but i think children can also watch the movie with a great understanding.



HAVE A GREAT DAY
HUGS TO ALL!
SMILE MORE!

~Z Kitty

CJ Week one.

Blarg.

I don't get to make a cj video today, I've been busy working on my list from yesterday.

These are the things i am fairly certain i wont get done today =\..

Ferrets play
Page copied
SparkPeople
Raffy
CJ
CJ Video


Tomorrow i also need to -
Mop Kitchen
Vacuum APT

=) Im very proud that i got so much accomplished today!
Monday I have a lot to do, i'm going to try and make sure that i can get as much done before then. Hmm Laundry maybe on sunday?

Things to do tommorow

I did a great job today! I'm very proud of myself for getting so much i wanted to do, done.

yesterdays left overs of to do

wlo wrath forums
ferrets play
page copied
spark people


todays

2029 forums
myspace
destiny
raffy
bedroom clean up
bathroom clean up
hallway closet clean up
cj
cj video
make a grocery list

Test test... 1. 2. 3. Is this thing on?

Progress ^^?

Step one - I practiced a lot yesterday with my juggling. I haven't had a chance to yet today though. Tommorow I upload my first practice one x.x'! Kinda nervous lol. I'm aiming for atleast 30 minutes daily play with my ball.

Step two - Hmm well, i haven't designed my work out yet. But I will probally go off of my sparkpoints account info. I have it set to 3 days a week excersizing. With 10-15 minutes of cardio as well. So two or three times a week i will spend 30 mintues working out.

Step three - No excuse here but i stayed up yesterday til early in the morning time. Atleast 36 hours awake til i finally went to sleep. I had looked at several jobs though I will aim to apply to atleast one this week.

Step four - Here is my spiritual entry and confusion with people. Today i got on myspace because i was enjoying some of the applications on there last night. Snow, destiny's friend, had sent me a gift in one and for some reason explained easter to me. I kinda found it insulting. I am not ignorant, it wasnt taken as a hello to me. I don't know exactly what to think about it. I mean destiny is my bff. I know she is not stupid, but for some reason i felt like it was a belittling thing to do to me since the fact he knows he is introducing destiny to some stuff she is learning very well. Do i recognize the fact i don't go for other peoples little games? Or do i simply ignore or just play nice? Spiritually. i think the tiger part of me is just being too proud to see it as anything thing other than insulting. This is where i need to step back and take joy in other people's opinions. So i think the best resolution is to just send a kind smile back. He is welcome to say and think however =) Even if destiny falls for anything or acts any different towards me regarding my spirituality. It is something that i have to recognize and rejoice in that - i am lucky/blessed to know them, loved by my true friends, and am memorable enough to have been in their thoughts. =)

Step five - Today i have spent time playing on myspace apps. I will clean the ferrets cage, counts litter box, try and let the ferrets play if the living room gets cleaned up as well - which would mean cleaning all the ferrets ears ^^. Alex volunteered to take out the trash today, made me feel good about cleaning. Plus he has to get our suitcase and laundry from the car anyways. To balance everything else out, I need to check on wlo wrath, talk on 2029 forums, get on yahoo to get dez to add msn, talk to raffy, listen to music, cj, and cook some rice for dinner later. Oh an also send an email to this girl on hotmail about hanging out sometime. I forgot her name x.x''



Well end of report!
I found the camera and here are soem pictures from our trip. x.x' Alex told me i get to having too much fun and forget to take pictures. Sooo true....... >.<


Alex is pictured here, riding destiny's rodeo. "Charge!" Norman, Oklahoma - Event center parking for the Renn Faire on Friday April 3rd, 2009.



Next this is my destiny, She is a sweet and sexy slave. The wind was blowing a lot so she got the hip scarf which looks great! Norman, Oklahoma - Event center parking for the Renn Faire on Friday April 3rd, 2009.




Lastly was our adventure of picking up jasmine and colin from jel who met us at the oklahoma texas border. It was a long boring trip, in which alex has decided though destiny is a few months older than him - She is our step daughter. >>! Also alex owes destiny child support for taking me up to nebraska. But alex claims counter child support since hes supporting me and him. XD Any ways. This is taken at the Wind Star casino on the Oklahoma, Texas border. It was an okay casino, pretty outside but it was rather crowded inside because of the poor layout which is also shown in the parking lot's design. Destiny in the middle of a very large lit sign, couldnt get a full picture... Alex sitting on the side ^^.



Have a GREAT day!
Keep a smile on your face some how.

~Z Kitty

Groups and Sites

A Meetup.com group, for pagans and also one for dnd.

Tribe.com

Sparkpeople.com

OMGPOP.com

Kongregate.com

Youtube.com

2029 Igg forums

WLO & Wrath forums

Craigslist.com

Myspace.com

Add more as i remember them =P

Adventures with and/or other useless information about Z Kitty

So to begin, I have a lot to do with my life and i fully intend to do so.

Step one.
The main reason i created this blog is because i knew that i wanted to record my progress with contact juggling. I will only ask myself to write in the journal once a week along with an uploaded video of me practicing contact juggling. Since it hasn't been my first week yet i thought this was an absolutely awesome idea. Alex btw, he is great at it already for us just having started Saturday the 4th this month at the rennasance faire in norman, oklahoma.

Step two.
Lose weight. I want to be memorable for my 'me'-ness, not for my size. I currently weigh 206.0 lbs. I should ideally be around the 130 range. But for me, i would be thrilled at 160 ish. I have made a mistake of not working out for over a year since having moved in with my soul mate. But unhealthy eating and zero activity except for around the house kills me. I will push myself to work out at bare minimum working out twice a week. I will reduce my pop and other sugary goodness intake. One would always hope i stop smoking tobacco, and stop biting my nails as well.

Step three.
Get a job. Getting a job or atleast applying to jobs should be a priority to me. I have an annoying cavity, 4 wisdom teeth aching to be pulled, a massively chipped tooth, and my front teeth may be developing cavities due to my awful oral hygene, smoking, eating and wisdom teeth. All of that and other desires of life and joys are with in my reach if i start behaving as such and get off my butt.

Step four.
Reuniting with some spirituality i feel i am lacking in, would be very nice. Recently i have already been making steps that direction and will continue to do so with fasting on liquids only, and days of no speaking/communication. I can better build this with several things though too. Working on assembling an arts and crafts for pagan things would be very nice. I can also spend more time in nature.

Step five.
Art and play? The things i look most forward to about my days, painting, reading, online gaming, console gaming, movies, count, ferrets, alex, tarot, crafts, meditation, music, friends, contact juggling. What is keeping me from spending more time doing things i enjoy except myseld is what i am asking. I get distracted, angry, negative, sleep too much, cleaning, and other things that i need to stop and recognize them before they overwhelm me again. To stop that i need to reassure myself that cleaning up doesn't take long and it is okay if alex doesn't get something done on time. I will do my best to not get angry even if i feel he is being lazy. I will express in a calm positive manner that somethign needs done until it is done. I will play with alex, in naughty ways and our every day annoying each other ways. When he annoys me, i will stop what i am doing if it is resonable and just enjoy the attention. Instead of whining also about our lack of new grocies (i suck and grocery shoping only because of distractions and not planning), I will write down what i would like to have and have broth or ramen instead, I will always eat fresh fruit or vegetables or left overs before all else, then milk.




Okay so since i have that layed out i will get more information up when i can about all the steps and how i am progressing, of course updated atleast weekly, with video of cj as well. I think i may try and start also using sparkpeople again. It is a GREAT site for weightloss.



I wanted to share alex and mine's most recent adventure, err rather skimmed btw of this year, 2009 up til now.


Alex and I started playing the casinos, Alot. We did fairly good.
A few months ago we found out when the norman renn faire was coming.
Sometime, I fell in love with contact juggling and became eager to learn - but no balls.
A month ago or so, I won 1000$. We had already planned on the faire trip but with our jobless-ness i didn't figure much would be spent. Well this helped alot.

2 Weeks ago, my best girlfriend - Destiny lost her father. =(....
A week ago, I decided i wanted to leave to oklahoma early. So we did.

Thursday?, I met one of destiny's friends - Snow. I also gave most of destiny's family each their own picture.
Saturday - jasmine and colin, braedon and caleb, along with destiny, alex and me explored the faire. The kids entering a tournament, me sunburning. But also getting my first 70mm clear contact juggling ball. <3! I've been playing with it ever since. I have this beautiful image in my head i'll explain a later time.
Monday - Alex and i left for home on a trip that normally takes 8 hours to complete. Instead - We listened to those billboard advertisements and exited now at a casino. We went to 4 or 5 casinos i think? I won about 800$ in a slot machine but uhhhh lucky me i blew it all ^^. Lesson learned of listening to myself - no matter what. Well needless to say we didn't make it in 8 hours.

About 12 hours ago we got home. An approximately 48 hour trip home.
We passed "Rafa's Mexican food" my thinking its just the mexican raffy.
The most hilarious looking police station and town library.
Sorry to say i did not get ANY pictures i think of our visit! I suck.
I will try and see if i magically did but i don't recall as yes i have been asleep, high and exhausted going on being 27 hours awake currently.

We went through reading kansas. Crazy name ^^.
Ate at a resturant named 'Froggy's' some where in kansas going north past topeka. (They illegally use The Cheesecake Factory logo.)
I got a breath-taking view of the stars, beautiful landscapes as we drove a completely random fucking way home.

Well this is pretty much my day, my eyes i think are actually starting to hurt now since i need sleep. But meh.

HAVE A GREAT DAY.
SMILE.
LOOK UP TO THE SKY, NOT AT THE GROUND.
LOVE AND HUGS TO ALL (yes knowing you or not)

~Z Kitty


oh memo to self cover random dropped topics from this post in next along with complete info of this new system. Along with thatballguy, senseistrange, a mentor, tutorials of cj, and steal this book wiki site. ^.~