I feel awful because i feel like i have lost my friend destiny.
See i am awful at talking to my friends often especially when i go hermit as alex has related to me. I understand the way i am, fighting is futile and makes me feel bad because i think my friends begin to think i am not there for them... Of course i would like to think i am there for them when they need to talk but i understand that it is easier to just talk to the person who is always there because they know what is going on in your life ect ect. I'm just not that person for anyone right now. It kinda makes me sad... Okay it makes me really sad.
I mean i have alex. The love of my life. But I think i will always wish i were more, or something for him. Like more perfect of a woman blah blah blah. It's just not me, but knowing he still loves me. I have to bring that to my nonsensical heads thinking... Just hard sometimes...
Back to destiny.
I played friendly or tried with her new guy friend, snow, on myspace. Well i stopped doing it because i went hermit. Today i wanted to check in with friends, so i got on. So i see he had written me a message something like this 'It has bought d, you okay?' Kind of him to ask, yes yes. Disrespectful and assholish to call me an it. I was soo insulted by that. But anyways, destiny isn't telling me much At ALL any more about her life and stuff. Even when i shot a message her way... Of course my sweet dez always tells me she misses me and stuff. But bleh.... I sent her a message to ask how she was and she says that and when am i moving back... I mean i know other things go on in her life but im just not a part of knowing about it if im not there... So i am hurt and confused, and maybe even concerned about my friendship with destiny, and if there is something i am missing and why i would be called an 'it' I feel like im acting jealous over snow, but i am not.
I am quite upset because my best friend no longer, even while i was in oklahoma, includes me in a spiritual side. She did there for a bit connect with me, i think. But i worry that snow is leading her on a fantastical journey, and falling for it like with another guy she dated. I feel like a BITCH for saying that... GRRR. I hope i am wrong, but weather or not its true - i've lasted past it before. And she'll always be my girl bff, just no replacing her.
Bleh i dont know what else to think. I don't know if that means let her eventually come talk to me again, or just go ahead and reply to her, ...... Or maybe just focus more on new friendship with stephanie and my guy bff raffy who will be visiting soon - woots.
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Okay no more rampage down here.
Alex recently got us both each nintendo dsi. I've been rocking out playing pokemon. Woots. Oh and also brain age, i started at age 62, now im at 39. Alex of course better than me. He started at like 59? and now he is at 28.
We drove around earlier the day he got the ds's. Pictures!!
We also went on an adventure to powderhorn wildlife management park, at like midnight. It was fun, the sky - ugh amazing and clear. We walked around a bit but not far into it because alex was using a cellphone and a ds, me also my ds - as light. It was soo dark out there, with the car off - you couldnt see your feet. So FUN!! But we did hear rustling and twigs breaking all around us. Either lots of animals or hmm...
No sky picture but a picture of a spirit orb maybe? Had several others but this one is the best?
Okay now also an update on everything else. Ive been doing great on keeping the house clean. Trying to be nice though to alex even though he refuses to clean the kitchen for days and days.... Even after i do a very good pre-clean... like all he needs to do is unload and reload the dish washer and take out the garbage.
Oh and i haven't practiced with my sphere T.T' I need to but pokemon are controlling my hands almost from wake up to bed. So needless to say i don't feel i can post a video with absolutely no practice... But i still have the great surprise when i do finally record me again.
So k thnx
Much love around the world and back to the moon.
smile!!!!
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